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Friday, March 21, 2003
haha...i got a haircut i got a hairCUT *keeps dancing around chanting* :P:P:P ok i'm mad..not realli. just that i'm really energetic tonight..got something to do with my haircut i guess..coz i usually am hyper after haircuts, coz hair is shorter, and short hair = cooler (LITERALLY). and yea! i'm really quite hyper coz i LIKE my new haircut! it's C000l! wh00t! 3 cheers for Qintan! haha..joking. anyway, back to describing my haircut, i got a layered haircut..sounds good so far, but the only problem is that it's ...kinda short... not really THAT short as in greg's kind of short hair (haha juz kidding), but my hair is officially..erm, at least 3 inches shorter. go figure. 3 inches is ROUGHLY about the length of your index finger... anyway...i think it kinda suits me..my face shape and all...but the only problem is...it's neither short nor long...so when i tie it up, i end up with a very weird looking ponytail, which will, for sure i tell you, be erm...messed around / touched/ tousled / ruffled / tugged by people in the school.........erm wait...i had better not start giving people ideas...wufan just called to ask about a National Youth Forum on the Water Issue held at Ministry of Env...which we are both attending tomorrow..think about it, meeting with the ministers, free tea reception, free mementos, free lunch, free visit to NEWater centre, and the absolutely c00l talk held in an airconditioned auditorium....sounds really good, doesn't it? Besides we gain an immense advantage in our knowledge of current affairs...:P:P:P ok i'm getting offtrack, but back to what i was talking....oh, i told wufan i cut my hair really short, and she sounds very surprised, not to mention immensely curious as to how i look like now...and she's kinda eager to see me in my new haircut tomorrow...hahaha...i told her NO i'm NOT gonna tie it but she still seems as keen...yea i guess it's kinda interesting to see how people look (differently) in new, different haircuts...:P:P:P somehow, for my new haircut, it looks MUCH better when i just let it down...yea...makes me look kinda athletic too..well, a bit...
anyway i spent 54 mins today exercising....i know it's 54 mins bec0z when i exercise, i lock myself in my room, turn on the bedside radio, and the radio automatically records the time it is being turned on...that's how i know...but wait, i think i only spent about 45 mins exercising coz i spent sometime drinking cold freshmilk and lying on the bed smsing...erm yea. haha... and yea..erm, my way of exercising is quite different...it's not the rigourous "20 push-ups, 20 sit-ups, 1 hour of canoeing" that shaun recommends, it's not the typical track training either...it's mainly...aerobics?plus skipping rope. yea... some tips for people who want to exercise.... 1.always have a bottle of cold / normal water on the table, c0z u'll definitely need LOTSA water for your muscles to function correctly...don't over-hydrate yourself though or u'll end up with a stitch... 2. try not to turn on the aircon however tempting it is.....bad for health....will catch chills. 3. try and have some ventilation. 4. try to wear comfortable clothes. not too much. i mean. erm well yea.doesn't make sense exercising in loong-sleeved tshirts and long pants. when i exercise, i wear short leotard shorts and...erm....just my sports *ahem*.(neVERMIND). it's much more cooling. erm yea, now you understand why i exercise..alone in my (locked) room. anyway, i just feel sooo much better after exercising. somehow i feel for once, i'm not fat, haha. even after dinner now...i've still got a bit of that feeling. but still. i always seem to eat dinners late. uRG. wasting all my effort............. okay, and yea, i spent 1 hour during dinnertime explaining to mom some psychology crap, like how we should put ourselves into other people's shoes, and all the implications of it, and how everybody seems to think that they are right and others are not, including me, and how it doesn't benefit the person at all, and the implications, social and economical and political (whatever you name it). and also, how we, as kids, should not "agree and add (coal to fire)" when their parents are complaining to them about the faults of the other parent, c0z even though it's good for the parent complaining in the short term (since it always helps when your kids agree wholeheartedly with you on an issue and further substantiates your points), it's not good in the long run as it will widen the gap / dissimilarities the parents have with each other. (and i explained) that's why i always tells my sis to shut up whenever she tries to say, "yea! he (dad) alwayz like that...". (i went on about how) i try to explain what the other parent might be thinking, try put the complaining parent (e.g. mom) into the other's (eg. dad) shoes, but instead i end up being misunderstood as trying to side with the other parent. sometimes being a pacifier has its complications too. haha..just went on and on, in the end when i finally finished dinner and turned to go to the comp room, she was giving me this weird, "enlightened" stare... haha, this's been another of my infamous "Qintan's lectures"................ my classmates should be more or less familiar with "Qintan's lectures (or speeches)" by now.....:P:P:P... remember, charmaine, the "mini-lectures" i gave Mrs Png regarding healthy food.... :P:P:P ok ok... haha. and not to forget, my infamous mini CAMPFIRE SPEECH...hahahz...actually the speech, and wadever crafting was in it...was meant to inspire our class to do better... think: i ended my speech with "and as the campfire burns bright tonight, let our spirit of teamwork (i forgot how to pronounce comraderie and decided not to risk it) burn high, too! 2/12 FOREVER!!!!! (ok i lost my voice for that..)" hahaz.. oh yea. and today, my chi orch di2 zi3 fren was going on about how her friends were asking whether i was from China or not. they always seem to think i speak with a "china-ish english" accent...which is kinda funny..coz i don't really think i speak like that. they're kinda like, one of the dozens who ask me if i was from China, or if i'm a China-chinese. wonder why. and today, i went to the haircutter, and i was speaking chinese to her, and she was like, "ni3 shi4 zhong1 guo2 ren2 mah?" (i.e. are you a China-chinese?) then i replied no, and she was kinda surprised...... and manyun seems to think that i speak (chinese) with a China accent that is more obvious than her China parents, which is....so not true! ..........aRG...do i really have.a "china" accent??....
Thursday, March 20, 2003
 You're the loving smile,the one that is entirely devoted to others,especially that one person.You really can't get them out of your head,but then,you don't really want to. What Kind of Smile are You? brought to you by Quizilla sighz.....i jus feel.......that i am becoming less and less Qintan.......less and less the sec 1 Qintan...somehow. or another. i'm all confused. my feelings...chaotic. i need to get a grip on myself, on the Qintan that's slowly drifting away, i need to get back my soul..i don't want to become an empty shell...i'm so confused. i don't know what directions to take at all..........i used to steer in one direction, but, the past few months, i've started steering in another, almost confident that i want to steer in the new direction....till, a few days ago...some..disappointment or another. some mix-up. jeopardy, or whatever it means or it is. do i like the way i am now? or the ME that i USED to be? i can't tell............ i didn't seem to get as much fun, as much excitement being the me i was in sec 1, esp early sec 1......but then, i was much more motivated to excel, a much more obedient daughter, a much...(i can't seem to find the word).."purer" person..no..no sick meanings please, i seldom incorporate sick twisted meanings into my words.. much simpler? but you know what........i really was lonely, really really really lonely, all those while in sec1...early sec1...life? no meaning but the acquiring of knowledge. yet now, yes, perhaps, it's much more fun, much more vibrant...but all the namecalling, all the pairing..all the gossips..all the branding that comes with it?? is it worth??? not to mention my grades dropping....is it worth it? somehow...i've lost my sense of direction in life...bec0z..i don't seem to get what i want out of this new life....(somethings just have to be kept confidential).i jus feel...like i'm drifting? in this new sec2 life? has my life become..shallow now? only living for fun? but what about living life, as in living life...isn't that about fun and joy>??? and doesnt joy derive from happy, fun times spent with friends..? i'm so confused.... somehow, i feel spending so much time online, as i do (everyday), is..sinful........... i don't know why. i'm not "enjoying life" being online...yet sometimes, occasionally, i get greatly touched, inspired by some really great MSN conversations...but those cases are quite...rare? once in a while? but..should i not go online...how am i then, to kknow more friends? after all...some of my good friends were introduced through msn..... somehow i feel, most often than not...people are being quite..shallow on MSN...including me....i seem to...just seem to, communicate more, deeper, writing thru email...perhaps, in MSN, u just need to fill the space with a little words or monosyllabuses, to keep that icon from flashing blue....sometimes, we're just busy? sigh............ (song --> "somewhere in my memory, i've lost all sense of time~.."..."never had a dream come true" by s club 7). so. i've successfully refrained from going online to MSN. this can't keep up much...it's my mindset and all. and the people i want to talk to, some, only communicate through MSN.....sigh....i'm tired. really. literal, and figurative. and now my mom's screaming at me. i feel so upset... she doesn't understand what i'm thinking...she only sees a quiet, pale girl typing away, late at night, looking..lost? does she see my other sec1 self drifting away? she can only see the slipping grades..... i can't continue.. i have to pull up my grades...or i'll be such a disappointment to her...and to .. m e. i'm really...tired.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
aRRRRG....i seem to have become overly OBSESSIVE recently.........OBSESSIVE about not getting FAT..............wasted the whole day looking at nutritional info, comparing them and all the crap. then wasted 1 hour slacking, lying on the sofa, listening to music i recorded...talk about gaining fat..uRRG. i can't believe i just WHILED AWAY ALL THAT TIME!!!! maaaaaaan. what DID i DO today? half the hols gone, NOTHING finished.....still gotta set aside ONE HOUR for exercise (plus LOTSA slaaaack time in between, listening to Perfect10) later..........uRG...obssessive-compulsive behaviour...not my fault...blame it on society's mindset..urgg....
and i just seem to think i'm getting fat...URG. i keep whining that to everybody and fiiine, people keep telling me in exasperated tones that no im not fat but somehow i just seem to think that i am. uRG. just weighed. i'm 45!!! AARGH *screaaams head off* i'm HEAVIER THAN LAST TIME!!! *frenetic* forget it...URG. and somemore, mom just keeps stuffing me with food...ARG. *screams again* fine fine i'm paranoid, i'm mad...... anyway i seemed to have taken to screaming out (pop) songs recently, while playing them on the stereo...way of destressing i guess....oh wait, i'm not shrieking and there IS a difference between a scream and a shriek. at least it's in-tune, not off-key, so there. anyway, download "Have you ever" by S Club 7, the lyrics esp teh chorus is Lovely! "tell~ me~, have you ever looveD and loST somebODy, ever wished u could have saID i'm s0rRy.."... and "eternal flame" (close ur eyes, give me ur hand, darlin, do you feeel my heArt beATiN..do you undErstand, do you feEEl the saAme, or am i oNly drEAMiN.....is this burnIN, an EtERnAL, FLAAAAAME) *haha* and "together" by S Club Juniors (together we're strong and together we're fun, and we break every heart, baby, one by one.....) (we know the world is nOT so grEY, we feEl the bad times fAdin aWAy...together, we. are. one!) and "Firefly" by a*teens and lastly, "eyes on me" by Faye wong, final fantasy VIII theme, really lilitingly lovely............ ok ok..it's already 5........gotta do work......seeya..
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Went swimming today, after I got home from Chinese Orchestra at about 6.15 p.m. no one was at home, as Mom was at work, Dad was overseas, and my younger sis Xun was having a sleepover at my cousin’s house. So just wore my swimming suit and went downstairs to the pool. The pool was so inviting…so azure, so blue, so cool, so sparkling!!! Swam 20 lengths of breaststroke, (10 continuous, 2 times, equals 20.) and 10 short lengths of freestyle. Felt quite exhausted, and when I went home, it was already 7.30 p.m.
And urg, had a really weird dinner just now. Mom took the wrong bus home and came home only at 8.45 p.m., and didn’t had time to buy dinner. So took out frozen pancakes from the fridge, and I ate 3 of them (with yoghurt smeared over them :P:P:P). quite tasty, actually. Then ate some raw lettuce, as well as microwave-heated salmon that Mom fried a few days ago. Tried pouring some strawberry yoghurt milk to drink, but it ran out halfway, so mixed it with fresh milk and got a weird-tasting, half-fermented milk drink…:S:S:S finished dinner only at 9.35 p.m… Anyway, I feel…really miserable, coz of some (hopefully temporary) rift my party caused…sigh. This is just some reflections. Actually, there are two main (emotionally?) different kind of people in this world. Some people are the sensitive type, while others are the (on surface) insensitive, blunt type. The former type are said to be emotionally sensitive, thus understands people well, but gets hurt easily. Whereas, the latter type do not get upset emotionally easily, but they appear to be rather cold and uncaring. (I seem to have lost fluency in my writing, but I’ll just continue.) I guess I belong to the former type. It’s just that…yes, I’ve been hurt a few times by my good friends because they belong to the latter type, thus differing in our opinions and feelings, but, (the point I’m trying to get across is), I discovered they were my friends after all (well, for most cases), and that, it is not that they do not care, but it is just that they have a different way of showing they care. They may just seem to shrug off whatever you’re telling them, like they do not bother or care at all, but perhaps, deep down, they do care, just that they do not like to show that they do, in fact, care much for you. Perhaps, one day you might be bullied, and these people would be the ones standing up for you. On the other hand, the former type may appear to the latter type as being overly-sensitive, a wet blanket (on some jokes), and overly-emotional / frettish, but they have to realize too, that this is their way. As time goes on, you’ll find that these people are (mostly) the people you confide in, those who understand you when you’re down, provide you advice and a listening ear. Sometimes, you need people, sensitive enough to understand your feelings without you telling it to them (because you don’t want to talk?). so then, just try to understand them back, and “walk in (their) moccasins”, to understand, why they reacted the way they reacted, and treasure this friend as a confidante. And finally. I think everyone knows that nobody in this world is perfect, and that everyone has flaws, but yes, it is rather disappointing when you realize a flaw in someone you look up to, someone you regard as a friend, or even worse, a best friend. But you just have to get over the initial disappointment – sure, it spoils the “perfect image” of your friend in your mind, and all the high expectations surrounding it, but do understand, it only helps you to know your friend better. and, a best friend isn’t necessarily someone who is most “perfect” in your mind, he / she could be someone who has quite a number of flaws known to you, but he / she is your friend, your best friend, because both of you truly understand, and care for each other. And how can you understand someone well, if you are blind to the flaws? And yes, just to add on, (I realize I’m getting off-track), sometimes, we are really upsetted when we find our friends appear to be insensitive to us, but it could just be some fault / mistake on their part, some careless act, or perhaps, that friend, just has a different way of showing he / she cares? (arg…what am I talking about…I can’t make sense outta this…nevermind) And finally, try not to build a wall, piled from high, heavy standards / expectations around you, to prevent yourself from getting hurt. Yes, it is very bitter and painful to get hurt. But getting hurt is a process of knowing your friends better, a step on the winding staircase of friendship and love. If you refuse to take a step for fear of falling down, you can never make your way to the top. If you climb up, even if you fall, you have railings to help you (err…I am quite lousy at metaphors), you can always climb again! In the end, you will reach the top. :-) I hope I am making sense…seeya…
Monday, March 17, 2003
Woke up early in the morning today, and was thinking about how boring life was going to be, after yesterday’s party…yea! Yesterday’s party was SHO FUN!!! So memorable…for me at least… Went to Giant first (yesterday), then went to KAP where Mich was already waiting, then we went to take MRT to Bedok, where silly Manyun had already been waiting since 2.30, and Kerryn, since 3plus. We arrived there only at 4.15. Then we took Renyi’s car to East Coast McDonalds’ (had the fun, noisy ride btw), where we reached only at 4.35p.m. Couldn’t see any of the “people” (or guys) (Manyun calls them that, coz I was substituting the word “guys” with “people” over the phone) there. Stupid guys…so late. The weather was really sweltering hot, so I took off my pink cotton cardigan and Mich jie said my dressing was “indecent” (she’s very conservative), going “oh my gosh” But HEY, what’s wrong with the white spaghetti strap and white shorts I was wearing?? I mean, it isn’t even lowcut or anything like that. It was perfectly fine. Anyway we went to the beach behind McDonalds’ and started playing badminton by ourselves first. Then Haoran came and started playing badminton with us (he probably felt very “extra”) (stupid Zhengxun went to the JETTY so was not there yet). Badminton was quite fun, but playing badminton wearing contacts was harder than usual, and it was really windy and sunny at the beach. And then whilst playing badminton, trying to catch the shuttlecock, stupid Haoran crashed into me, and I nearly fell! So lame. And the stupid trees kept blocking the shuttlecock. Oh did I forget to mention that the shuttlecock fell under some woman sitting, so poor Haoran had to “delicately” and cautiously extract the shuttlecock from under the bench she was sitting on, so funny. Then after some time, Zhengxun gor FINALLY came at around 5pm. Guessed he figured how to get there from some jetty he was supposed to be wandering around. Wearing his lame orange cap as usual :P:P:P anyway, he joined the team Haoran was in, we played for a while, then decided to carry out my match with Zhengxun. Oh wait, I think I must have forgotten to mention about this competition I have with him. We are, or were supposed to compete 4 events: swimming, rollerblading, badminton, tabletennis, and whoever wins 3 outta 4 events gets ten bucks. So lame, but quite fun anyway. So after that zhengxun and I played badminton, but the badminton grounds was very unfair, since there was plenty of wind, not to mention sun and stupid branches sticking out everywhere, and I was down with flu that day. But anyway we played for quite some time, then Greg gor finally came, sat down on a bench and watched us playing (acting as a kind of informal referee). So anyway he announced that I won the competition HEH!!! :P:P:P but then zhengxun went on arguing that I had stated it was only a practice match. Si3 lai4, hmmph. LOLz. Then Zhengxun and Haoran took Greg’s soccerball to play, and I got Greg to play badminton with me. Actually Greg played badminton better than Zhengxun haha…but it was kinda stupid, because the whole time I was looking out for the shuttlecock squinting with my contacts, I had to watch out for the soccer ball, because apparently stupid zhengxun and haoran were on either side, trying to pass the ball through my legs or something. ji lame. Hehe, but I managed to skip over most of the times, and even managed to kick the ball away from them towards the sea several times, causing them to chase frantically after the ball. Anyway after playing badminton for around 1.5 hours, we finally decided to stop and play something else. But the guys were too caught up in playing soccer, and stupid zhengxun kicked the ball so hard that it hit my face (fortunately my contacts didn’t fall out), and my gum started bleeding. Then I ran after him trying to kick him, erm, somewhere. Didn’t manage to catch up because was out of stamina, but managed to kick Haoran, though I spared kicking the…ahem place. Just kicked the legs. After a while, sheueying came and we decided to go rollerblading / cycling. Zhengxun and haoran made poor Greg sit at the benches to look after the bags for 1 hour plus! Poor thing…:S:S:S so sorry… anyway we came to the rental kiosk, where rollerblades were rented for 9 bucks per hour, and bicycles $6. zhengxun was supposed to compete rollerblading with me, but the stupid guy chickened out last minute and decided to rent a bike instead. So I went rollerblading with Mich and Manyun, (Manyun was quite slow, excusable since she said she hasn’t been rollerblading for a long tim; Mich was good at it; I was somewhat okae, since I could skate quite fast, but didn’t know how to brake, haha.) after some time, Zhengxun caught up, because duh bikes are less energy-consuming, require less effort and time. I was skating really fast trying to catch up, then suddenly a little boy on skatescooter suddenly popped out in front of me, and while trying to brake (remember I wasn’t proficient at braking and that I was going at break-neck speed), I skidded to my right and landed on my right butt, I think jarring my spine a bit. ouch. Mich came up from behind and helped me up, and after that, I was skating considerably slower, being rather scared out of my wits. Anyway we went rollerblading to the end of road, met up with everyone else, and decided to turn back because Shawn Chua called and was already waiting in front of McDonalds. While skating back I screamt for them all to wait for me because I was quite exhausted, so fine the two “stupid guys” did wait for me coz they didn’t want me to call them “stupid guys” haha (ji lame). But then they were cycling on either side of me and I didn’t have much space to rollerblade, really afraid I was gonna fall off or crash into either one of them. Then after that they decided to cycle off, I guess coz I was screaming in my shrieky banshee voice and all. Haha. After that rollerbladed all the way back, tied hair with both hands while rollerblading (not bad, huh). So we finally went back, met up with Shawn, who was looking very blur and didn’t recognize me though I was less than a metre away, because he was so blur that he didn’t wear his contacts and didn’t bring his specs along. I found out from him that he called up my MOM because my handphone was diverted to my home phone when it isn’t being answered (I changed the feature already). He said “hi”, Mom asked him who he was, he said “Shawn”, mom asked him from what school was he from and was he my ex-schoolmate, he said, “RI” and then “no”. that was bad enough then my mom asked him who else did he know besides me and he said, “sheue ying and Greg”. Sheueying’s part was OK, but he had to mention Greg as well so now my mom knows there was a Shawn from RI and a Greg at my birthday party, which was supposedly for NY girls only…:S:S:S but then me, being the “ingenious liar” that I was (quite), came up with the story that Shawn was Sheueying’s elder brother in RI Sec 3, who came because sheueying didn’t know the way home, and he had to fetch her back, while Greg was Michelle’s elder brother, and came to “escort” Mich back home as well…pretty cool, huh? :P:P:P so anyway, we returned the bikes and skates to the rental kiosk, and I was complaining to the angmoh guy (he was really cool, we were speaking to each other in mandarin; his mandarin was really quite fluent) there about why there was a kneeguard but no buttguard since most people (like me) fell on their butts instead of their knees. Then he was like saying jokingly, “maybe that’s coz your butt’s too heavy” and I was like, “WHAAAT” doing my usual banshee scream again. So after that we went back to collect the bags, (I wanted to play at the beach but zhengxun and Haoran were complaining that they were too hungry, clutching their stomachs…I took a picture of that, will post it up soon). Then zhengxun and haoran got Greg up and swung him by the hands and the legs (I took a picture of that too, since I promised the two “stupid guys” free fries if they did), dropped him down, and we all went to eat. As I was treating them all to dinner at McDonalds, we took out the coupons and started piling a large, complicated order, which took so long that Haoran (who was intently keeping track on the hourglass), turned the hourglass SEVEN TIMES OVER…we got the poor guy all flustered trying to rush the meals. We didn’t get the apple pies at all in the end coz they ran out of stock, and the total was $49.35, and I had 50 bucks budget…just nice. :-) then after that, i came back and they sang a bdae song for me (so sweet) then shawn asked me to close my eyes and make a bdae wish (should have suspected something) but anyway, i closed my eyes, and the next thing, i felt something cold and sticky against my right cheek and when i opened it, i found shawn holding an icecream cone and my right cheek had ice cream on it!!then i turned round to grab tissue and greg smeared my LEFT cheek with another icecream!! then i got greg's towel and cleaned my face, then took some tissue from the counter, and went to the washroom, then came back again. then later we were all having a foodfight. i splashed renyi with coke and she splashed me back with BLUE gatorade, while shawn splashed coke at greg and greg retaliated by splashing mustard sauce on shawn's dark blue shirt, which made a very nice, artistic design dripping down his shirt :P:P:P. i took a picture of that...:P:P:P then they ran around, with shawn chasing greg trying to splash sauce on him, and i was trying to run after them to take photos but i got a stitch from running around. then anyway after that, zhengxun went home, and greg and haoran went home too. then the rest of us went to play sparklers!! it was really COOL!!!!!! we borrowed light from some al fresco dining lamp and lit the sparklers, then we played around. after that they stuck the sparklers in the sand, made a "14" outta it, and lit it, and i took a photo of a burning "14" number.....such ..lovely..birthday candles...i love it! then we went rite beside the sea, and on "1,2,3" we threw the burning sparklers together into the sea!!! (captured on camera) it was just so......splendid.. lovely.. mesmerising... ohhhhhhh i LOVED that moment! and then after lighting finish all the sparklers, shawn, kerryn and sheueying went home, while renyi, mich, manyun and i strolled around the beach, between the rising and ebbing tides....enjoying the night scene and the star-studded sky, and the distant city lights...i took photo of this enchanting night scene, then we got a nice european lady to take photo of all 4 of us.... after that, kerryn went home, so we walked to McDonalds, and on the way, we passed by a necklace stall. cool round wire necklaces for only 2 bucks!! Manyun bought a fish skeleton one, Mich a star one, and renyi bought a white dolphin. then they bought one with a pink dolphin for me! so nice! after that, we went home feeling sleepy, satisfied, exhausted. it was a reaaaally memorable night for me, i thoroughly enjoyed it.......i was grateful to have some really nice friends who cared for me and all... anyway i received 4 belated bdae prezzies today....one lovely keychain from greg, one cute bear from mich, one cuddly furry doggie from renyi, and the pretty necklace from renyi mich and manyun. feelin so happy! :-)
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