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Saturday, August 02, 2003
It’s getting more and more stressing lately, and I seldom find time to go online. I don’t know. Nowadays, I’ve come to see getting online more as a burden than as a necessity. I’m not certain why, but as it is, I see more point in spending the time enjoying life, like swimming, iceskating, and going through life without stress, than spend fruitless hours on MSN (e.g.) typing and typing. I mean. MSN isn’t exactly that…interesting? addictive?…to me anymore.
And speaking of stress, I was so stressed out that I actually cried in class on Friday. I don’t really know why, or what, or how, just that…the tears carry stress out as they flow along… I needed to release all that pent-up troubles in my mind. I needed someone to sit there silently beside me. So I sat next to Michelle. And cried. Just like that. Throughout physics lesson. It was after Maths. I hate trigonometry. I can’t understand anything of it. I’m not just crying because I can’t understand a freaking Trig chapter. It’s like I can’t understand anything in Maths, not anymore. I can’t understand Pythagoras Theorem proof. I can’t understand the chapter on Mensuration, and why all, or rather, quite a lot of my answers on Review Question 13 doesn’t match the textbook answers. I can’t understand anything in Trig. I thought I did understand some Trig when we went down to the quadrangle to do measurements and find out the heights of the flagpole and the loudspeaker. For a moment… so happy! The wind was blowing, the weather so fine. Back to class. It was as though I was some video recorder. Watching this stranger drawing strange symbols, strange lines, strange everything. Uttering strange words with funny pronunciations…sine, cosine, tangent. Yes they sound nice they sound chim but that’s all! I know they’re some stupid ratios. I know Sine is Opposite over Hypotenuse. And so on. But what the (heck) is all this supposed to mean? So what if they’re ratios? So what if its SOH-CAH-TOA??? The questions? HUH? What does it even mean? OK. So I don’t understand. What, you don’t understand; don’t worry you’re just trying to hard to understand the proof. Maybe I am, but I just. Don’t. Get. It. I have to get a grip on myself. De-stress. How to? Learn Yoga? Maybe. But no time, sadly. I really have to thank Michelle and Yawen. They’re really great, and I’m really grateful they sit right in front of me; really grateful they’re in the same class as me. Today after Chinese orchestra I went back home with Sheue ying. I have to mention something remarkable. I nearly flew in the crowded bus! As in, literally. I was standing, holding my liuqin. The bus jerked so suddenly that I crashed backward (or rather, towards the front of the bus), smack into sheueying. And started a human domino. =P We reached the estate I live in. We dumped our bags on the bench in the playground, then took a walk in the garden. Not really garden, but all the greenery in Dairy Farm estate makes it a big garden with houses in it. Strolling along a (literal) garden path. The wind blowing…so nice. All the green expanse stretched out before me…so soothing. It is times like this, places like this, that lifts all the stress from me, throws all worries away, that makes me so carefree and happy, that makes me embrace solitude. It is when, and where, I am completely, truly, myself. We actually spent around 1.5 hours strolling. Went home so much more relaxed and happy. Say, wouldn’t one rather this supposedly “aimless” strolling than spending all that time on internet chatting or on “purposeful” homework? People say, we have limited time in this world to live, so we must maximize our time, and not waste so much so as one minute, which is all very precious. And that we must fill up our time with all tasks and things that will enable us to move towards our ambition, so that we can lead a “purposeful” life. But so what if one leads a very fully filled-up life, wastes no time, but rarely, or never, leisurely strolling “aimlessly”, thinking “nothing”, doing “nothing”, and, (in the minds of the practical and the pragmatic) “wasting time”? (P.S. I guess I will only be able to blog weekly, so I’ll try to make up with a long entry.) (P.P.S. I really am tired of this version 2 layout! But no time to change…I’ll try to upload when I have time…sorry) Oh well, good night all. =)
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